Weekly Lesson #3

Introduction

No one is born confident.

Yet, so many people look at others who seem effortlessly self-assured and assume they were just born that way—as if confidence is some kind of genetic gift, reserved for the lucky few. But that’s not how it works.

Confidence isn’t something you have—it’s something you build. And the foundation? Evidence.

In this post, you’ll learn why confidence is not a personality trait but a skill you can develop—one that grows with proof of what you’re capable of—and how to start developing it today.

The Lesson

“Confidence is earned, not given”

ZBLessons #3

Growing up, I was obsessed with sports. I watched the biggest games, the highest-pressure moments, and wondered how these athletes—on the grandest stages, with millions watching—remained so composed. No panic. No hesitation. Just pure confidence.

I became convinced that confidence was the key. It’s what made them calm, ready, and even excited to perform when everything was on the line. And I wanted that too.

At first, I thought some people were just born with it—naturally wired to step into any situation with unshakable self-belief. Later, I assumed confidence came from sheer delusion—telling yourself you’re the best until, eventually, you believe it (which, to some extent, I still think is true).

But then I came across a quote from Alex Hormozi that completely reframed my thinking:

“You don’t become confident by shouting affirmations in the mirror, but by having a stack of undeniable proof that you are who you say you are. Outwork your self-doubt.”

Alex Hormozi

That’s when it clicked. Confidence isn’t something you’re born with—it’s something you build. It comes from evidence.

These athletes weren’t fearless because they were naturally gifted. They were fearless because they had spent years proving to themselves, over and over again, that they were ready.

Take Joe Burrow, quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals. When asked in an interview on The Dan Patrick Show where his confidence came from, he said:

“It comes from preparation. I win the games on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday – I don’t win them on Saturday.”

Joe Burrow

(AI generated Joe Burrows image)

What he’s saying is simple: he’s confident because he’s already proven to himself in practice that he’s ready. He doesn’t need blind faith—he has evidence.

But everyone has weaknesses, and there are situations where we feel more assured than others.

As we pursue our goals, we’re bound to face challenges that expose our weaknesses—and those moments can shake our confidence.

Maybe Joe Burrow wants to win a Super Bowl, but every time he faces Lamar Jackson’s Ravens (a team he’s only beaten once in six matchups), doubt starts creeping in.

Or maybe:

• Someone aiming for their dream job is terrible at interviews.

• A person who wants to get stronger struggles with squatting.

• A leader can’t seem to speak confidently in public.

Confidence often falters when we recognize a weakness. But after watching Jordan Peterson on a podcast with Lewis Howes, I had a realization:

When you notice a weakness, it’s not just an obstacle—it’s a roadmap for growth.

📎 Link to full interview here (timestamp 1 hour 45 minutes for confidence part)

That weakness is showing you exactly where you need to improve. It’s like uncovering a meaningful goal you weren’t even aware of until the struggle appeared.

Now, you have a choice: let it hold you back or turn it into an opportunity.

The solution? Build evidence. Go prove to yourself that this “weakness” doesn’t have to stay one.

What’s Next?

In the next section, I’m going to show you five specific ways I’ve built this evidence for myself—and how I stay confident even in situations where I have none.

How to apply this lesson

In this section, I’ll break down five powerful ways to start building real confidence today—drawing from psychology, philosophy, and personal experience.

To keep this post concise, I’ve focused on five core strategies, but I’ll also include two bonus tips at the end.

5 Ways to Build Evidence and Confidence:

1. Vygotsky’s Zone of Proximal Development – How pushing slightly beyond your current abilities builds undeniable proof of progress.
2. Be Deluded – Why believing in yourself before you have evidence can actually help create it.
3. Develop Mental Toughness – How resilience strengthens confidence in any situation.
4. Control the Controllable – Why focusing on what’s within your power eliminates unnecessary doubt and uncertainty.
5. Apply Miyamoto Musashi’s Philosophy – How mastering one skill creates confidence that transfers into every area of life.

Let’s break each one down.

1.How Proximal Development Builds Confidence

One of the biggest mistakes people make when trying to build confidence is taking on challenges that are way beyond their current ability.

If you push yourself too far, too fast, and fail badly, it doesn’t make you stronger—it reinforces self-doubt. Instead of building confidence, you create evidence that you’re not capable, which can make you hesitate even more in the future.

This is why Vygotsky’s Zone of Proximal Development is so important.

Vygotsky, a Russian developmental psychologist, introduced this concept to describe the optimal learning zone—where a challenge is just beyond your current abilities but still achievable with effort.

This is often referred to as being in the zone because it’s where progress feels difficult yet rewarding.

Think about learning a new skill:

• If the challenge is too easy, you won’t grow.

• If it’s too hard, failure will reinforce self-doubt.

• The key is the sweet spot—a challenge that stretches you but is realistically achievable within a reasonable timeframe.

How to Apply This to Build Confidence:

• Set challenges just beyond your comfort zone – Hard enough to push you, but not so hard that failure is inevitable.
• Stack small wins – Each success becomes proof that you’re improving, reinforcing confidence.

By consistently operating in this optimal growth zone, you create real evidence of progress, turning weaknesses into strengths—and hesitation into confidence.

2.Be Deluded

Confidence doesn’t always come from truth—sometimes, it comes from focus.

If you have no evidence that you can succeed, it’s easy to focus on all the reasons you might fail. But no matter what you do, there is always at least a tiny chance you can succeed.

What if, instead of dwelling on failure, you focused entirely on that chance? Even if it’s small, directing all of your attention to it gives you the highest probability of making it happen.

This is where a little delusion becomes useful.

Delusion isn’t real confidence—it’s acting as if you are confident, even when you aren’t. But it’s better than having no confidence at all.

When you convince yourself that success is possible, you behave in ways that make it more likely.

Think about it:

• If you go into something half-heartedly, unsure whether you can win, you won’t perform at your best.

• But if you act as if you are going to win, you maximize the chances of it actually happening.

I first noticed this mindset in Zlatan Ibrahimović. People see him as cocky, but I think he’s really demonstrating a useful mental approach. He doesn’t just say, “I have a chance to succeed.” He says, “I will succeed.”

That belief shifts everything—his preparation, his execution, and ultimately, his results.

In an interview with Piers Morgan, Zlatan said if he was asked if he could beat former heavyweight boxing champion Tyson Fury in a match. Without hesitation, he said:

“Yes, I would smash him.”

Then, he explained his mindset: of course, in reality, Fury would knock him out in two seconds. But in his head, all he thinks about is that he can win.

“My mentality is—I can.”

He chooses to believe in his own ability, even when logic says otherwise.

This attitude is explained in one of my favorite films, The Gentlemen, in its opening scene:

“If you wish to be the king of the jungle, it’s not enough to act like a king—you must be the King. There can be no doubt. Because doubt causes chaos and one’s own demise”

Mickey Pearson (The Gentlemen character)

How to Use This to Build Confidence

Even when you have no solid evidence that you can achieve something, remind yourself that there is always at least a small chance. Your job is to focus entirely on that chance.

1. Accept the Possibility of Failure—Then Ignore It. Failure exists, but focusing on it only creates doubt. Instead, place all your energy into the reality where you succeed.

2. Be 100% In. If you only believe in yourself 50%, you’ll get 50% results. Because doubt causes chaos and one’s own demise. But if you commit fully, you maximize your probability of success.

By choosing to be delusionally confident, you don’t guarantee success—but you give yourself the highest possible chance of making it happen.

3.Be Tough

Most people believe confidence comes from ability—the certainty that you have the skills to handle a situation.

But what if you don’t? What if you’re unprepared, inexperienced, or completely out of your depth?

This is where toughness can transform your confidence.

Because real confidence isn’t just about trusting that you’ll succeed—it’s about trusting that you’ll handle whatever happens, even if you fail.

Out of all the skills you can develop, toughness is the most valuable—because it applies to every situation.

You could spend years fixing individual weaknesses, but no matter how much you improve, there will always be moments where you feel underprepared. If your confidence is based purely on ability, you’ll constantly feel like an imposter when facing something new.

But if you build evidence of your toughness, you’ll feel confident not because you know you’ll win, but because you trust yourself to handle any outcome.

Most people try to build confidence by improving specific skills:

• “Once I’m better at public speaking, I’ll feel confident.”

• “Once I have more experience, I’ll be ready.”

But if you make toughness your focus, you won’t need perfect preparation—because you’ll know that, no matter what happens, you’ll push through, adapt, and keep going.

How to Apply This:

• Build proof of your toughness daily – Push yourself through hard workouts, take cold showers, have uncomfortable conversations, and follow through on difficult commitments.

A great example of this comes from Conor McGregor. In this clip below, he talks about how small moments of not following through—like failing to wake up on time—can stack up and weaken your mental strength and confidence.

Every time you choose the harder path, you build proof that you’re tough. And when you develop toughness, you don’t need to be confident in every situation—you’ll be confident in yourself to handle every situation.

4.Control The Controllable

One of the biggest killers of confidence is uncertainty—the fear of all the things that could go wrong, the things outside of your control.

When you focus on what you can’t control, you create unnecessary doubt, stress, and hesitation. But when you shift your attention to what is within your power, you remove that uncertainty and give yourself the best chance of success.

Confidence is partly about believing in the right things. If your confidence is tied to unpredictable factors—like what others think of you or other external outcomes—it will always be fragile. But if your confidence comes from what you can directly influence, it becomes solid and reliable.

Take sports as an example:

• An athlete can’t control the opponent’s performance, the referee’s decisions, or the crowd’s reactions.

• But they can control their method, work rate, mindset, and consistency.

By focusing on these four controllable factors, they eliminate distractions, perform at their best, and avoid being paralyzed by uncertainty.

This shift reduces anxiety, strengthens self-trust, and naturally builds confidence—because you know you’ve done everything within your control to succeed.

Joe Burrow when asked, in the interview mentioned earlier, with Dan Patrick whether he had any doubts about himself in the NFL, responded:

“I might be a good player, I might not be a good player, but I know I’m going to work my hardest to be the best player I can be.”

Joe Burrow

What I think he is saying here is: focus on what you can control and let go of the rest. There’s no point letting things outside of your control affect your confidence. Just be confident in what you can control (like Joe saying he’s just going work hard), and beyond that, it is what it is.

If you want to go deeper on how to master this mindset, click here for my full lesson on controlling the controllable.

5.Use Miyamoto Musashi’s Philosophy

Confidence doesn’t always come from having direct proof in every situation—sometimes, it comes from evidence in one area of life and applying it to others.

This idea is captured perfectly in a quote from Miyamoto Musashi’s The Book of Five Rings:

“If you know the way broadly, you will see it in everything.”

Miyamoto Musashi

(AI generated Miyamoto Musashi image)

Musashi’s philosophy is simple: mastery in one discipline reveals universal principles that apply everywhere.

If you can succeed in one area, that success becomes proof that you can succeed elsewhere too.

This concept is something I first heard from Joe Rogan, who shared how he spent years convinced he was a loser—until he became really good at martial arts.

That single skill became proof that he wasn’t a loser. That he could be good at something.

And once he had that evidence, his confidence wasn’t just limited to fighting—it spread into his entire life.

I related to this too because, while I never believed I was a loser, once I became a good rugby player, that confidence spread into everything—socializing, taking on new challenges, and pursuing anything I was passionate about.

All I needed was proof that I could be good at one thing and then I felt like I had the potential to be good at anything.

6.Bonus

In addition to the five core strategies, here are two more powerful ways to boost your confidence:

1. Become More Articulate 🗣️

Communication is involved in nearly every aspect of life—whether it’s social interactions, career growth, or leadership. The more clearly and effectively you express yourself, the more competent and confident you’ll feel in almost any situation.

The best way to improve this is to read & expand your vocabulary

2. Improve Your Appearance 👔

It’s simple: when you look good, you feel good.

When you take care of your appearance, you naturally carry yourself differently, and that shift impacts how others see you and how you see yourself.

Ways to improve:

• Grooming & hygiene – Small details like a fresh haircut, skincare, or even well-fitted clothes make a big difference.

• Dress with intention – Wear outfits that make you feel good, not just what’s convenient.

• Stay in shape

Conclusion

Confidence isn’t given—it’s earned. The people we admire aren’t naturally fearless; they’ve built undeniable proof of their abilities. You can do the same.

Push your limits, embrace a little positive delusion, build mental toughness, focus on what you can control, and transfer confidence across areas of your life.

Confidence compounds. Each small win strengthens the next. Start building your proof today, and confidence will follow.