Weekly Lesson #5
Introduction
Your mindset is more contagious than the flu — and it’s infecting people whether you realise it or not.
We’ve all seen it: one person walks into a room bitter, moaning, or defeated, and suddenly everyone else feels worse. The energy shifts. Momentum dies. You become a weight, not a positive presence.
This post is about the truth behind that moment — and why it matters more than you think.
Because your mood, your energy, your presence? It spreads. And unless you’re truly struggling and in genuine need of help (which is always okay to ask for), then you’ve got a responsibility:
Don’t dump your personal chaos onto others.
Own it. Manage it. Channel it into strength. Or at the very least — don’t infect the people you care about.
Whether you’re leading a team, showing up for your family, or just trying to live with more discipline, this is a lesson that will change how you carry yourself — and how others respond to you.
Let’s get into it.
The Lesson
“Your mindset is contagious”
ZBLessons #5
I first heard this idea on The Joe Rogan Experience (episode #2230, timestamp 46 minutes) with Evan Hafer, a former Green Beret who spent 20 years in the U.S. Army. He said the moment that changed his mindset forever was hearing this one line from his first team sergeant, Jeff Kirkham:
“Psychology is more contagious than the flu.”
– Jeff Kirkham
(AI image of USA soldier)
From that moment on, Hafer said this quote shaped how he operated — especially under pressure.
The Gunfight Analogy
Hafer explained it through one of the most extreme examples possible: a gunfight.
In a high-stakes team environment, like combat, you don’t just need to survive — you need to stay calm. Even if you’re breaking internally, you must project composure. Because if your panic spreads, the situation instantly becomes more dangerous.
You have to project composure and have yourself together, because if you infect everybody else with your own personal chaos then you inject more chaos into the equation than there already is and increase the possibility of dying.
This is of course an extreme example of why this mindset is needed but a powerful one.
If one person freaks out, others start to think, “Wait… should I be panicking too?”
Fear multiplies. Composure disappears. And just like that, the mission unravels.
One person’s fear becomes another person’s cue to fear.
Even if someone holds themselves together despite others around them losing it, now they’re using mental energy to manage others instead of focusing on the task. They’ve gone from asset to liability. That’s how teams break down.
But the opposite is also true — one person’s calm can be the anchor that keeps everyone else grounded.
But the opposite is just as true:
One person’s calm can anchor the entire group.
Hafer described how being surrounded by people with “surgeon-level composure” — emotionless, steady, stoic — is not only contagious, it’s encouraging. It keeps everyone locked in on the task at hand.
(AI image of soldiers heading to a gunfight)
When Strength Becomes Service
What hit me hardest from his story was that when you know your state affects the people around you, it actually gives you strength.
The pressure to hold yourself together can feel overwhelming — especially when you’re barely managing internally. But what Evan’s story reveals is something deeper: when you know others are looking to you — when you know your mindset will ripple out and affect people you care about — it actually gives you strength.
It’s weird, but when the focus shifts from:
“how do I feel?” to “who needs me to show up right now?”, something clicks.
You dig deeper. You find a level of composure or positivity or calm you didn’t think you had — not for yourself, but for them.
And in doing that, you often end up helping yourself too. You sort of fake it til you make into a positive attitude.
Knowing that your state influences the people you love — your family, your friends, your team — gives you a reason to stay grounded.
It’s not about pretending everything is fine. It’s about choosing not to spread your mess. It’s about showing strength so others can find theirs.
This Shows Up in Everyday Life Too
This lesson isn’t just for the battlefield.
Whether you’re in a gunfight, a boardroom, a family crisis, or just dealing with everyday stress — your internal state doesn’t just affect you, it spreads.
People pick up on your tone, your energy, your body language, and they mirror it, consciously or not. You’ve probably experienced this in real life: walk into a room where someone is tense, and suddenly you feel tense.
I have seen this in myself. I realised whenever I’m overwhelmed with work, I catch myself falling into this moody, stressed-out, low-energy state. I stop talking. I start complaining. I shut down. It was just my way of dealing with a heavy workload or stress, but I didn’t ever consider how that infected other people until I done it recently and remembered this Evan Hafer podcast.
I then realised how weak I was being and worked to change it.
Not only was that effecting the people around me that I care about the most like my mum and dad or my friends who I would end up ignoring and portraying to them I was in a mood, but it also effects your ability to socialise in general.
Who would want to speak to anyone that is moany and moody. You give off such an unattractive and weak portrayal of yourself with this attitude.
If you’re truly struggling — if you’re dealing with something heavy or going through depression — ask for help. Always. It takes strength to do that too.
But if you’re just getting beat up by life, yet you know the work you’re doing matters and you have a good, meaningful life— then don’t bring that storm to everyone else.
Show up. Stand tall. Put the weight on your back — and do it with a smile.
Because that’s just life, there will inevitably be storms at some point, you just have to learn to dance in the rain.
“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain”
– Vivian Greene
Examples of Composure in Action
Once this mindset clicked for me, I started seeing examples of it everywhere.
First, my dad.
He’s one of the hardest workers I know and no matter what was going on at work, he rarely brought it home.
He didn’t let his stress bleed into how he treated my mum or me. His problems stayed at the door, because he didn’t want to make them ours.
Then I thought of it as I listened to a lecture on Winston Churchill.
(AI Winston Churchill painting)
It is documented that before the D-Day invasion, Churchill was very cautious about the plan.
He originally wanted to wait longer and have more preparation until pressure from the USA made him reluctantly agree to do it sooner.
The night before the invasion he told his wife, “Do you realize that by the time you wake up, 20,000 men may have been killed?”.
This shows how weary, anxious and emotionally burdened he was of the plans.
Nevertheless, in the public eye, he projected immense confidence and determination in the days leading up to and following D-Day. He gave powerful and uplifting speeches that inspired hope, unity, and resolve. He didn’t let his inner anxiety infect the nation.
How To Apply This Lesson
When life feels like it’s getting too much — when I’m stressed, overwhelmed, or angry — I try to flip the script. Instead of letting it crush me, I treat it like a challenge.
One of the simplest but most powerful tools I use is this:
I smile and I have a laugh.
Even if it feels forced.
Because when I smile in those moments, it’s an act of defiance. It’s me fighting back against the challenge life throws. It’s choosing strength over struggle.
When I am in a tough situation, and I feel like I can laugh about it or still smile I feel like I am putting life in a headlock and fighting back against it.
There’s a great idea from the well known psychologist Jordan Peterson that ties into this. In a podcast with comedian Matt Rife, Jordan said he knew people had truly recovered from their deepest trauma when they could laugh about it.
Link to podcast (timestamp – 44 minutes):
Comedy is a symbol of the master of tragedy
Because when you can smile or joke in the middle of pain, you’re no longer trapped by it — you’ve risen above it.
That mindset is everything to me and something I learned a lot from my family.
And then to remain composed I also keep the people I care about in mind.
It’s not just about staying grounded for myself, it’s about them as well.
Nobody wants to be around someone who’s constantly moody, negative, or complaining. That kind of energy pushes people away — it doesn’t inspire, it repels.
So, I choose to be the guy people want to be around:
Calm. Positive. Composed. Unshaken.
In more intense moments though, I turn to my body.
If i want to be in a certain state, I try to act accordingly with how I want to feel (using body language, breathing, smiling etc.)
If I want to feel calm, I breathe like I’m calm — using breathing techniques like the ones Andrew Huberman prescribes in his videos.
Link to Andrew Huberman breathing technqiues –
📎-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kSZKIupBUuc
Overall, I try not to wait to feel better. Instead, I act like the person I want to be — and let my mind catch up.
This isn’t about faking who I am. It’s about choosing who I become in the moments that matter most.
And that choice helps me stay grounded — and keeps the people around me steady too.
Conclusion
When life gets heavy, your choice to stay calm, composed, and steady isn’t just for you — it’s a gift to the people around you.
You can either infect others with your chaos, or inspire them with your strength.
You can either pass on your panic, or become the calm in the storm.
You don’t need to fake anything — but you do need to take responsibility for how you show up.
And when the pressure hits, and you feel like breaking?
Smile. Breathe. Laugh, if you can.
Because that small shift is more than a coping mechanism — it’s a declaration:
“I’m not letting this beat me — and I’m not dragging anyone down with me either.”
That’s how you fight back.
That’s how you lead.
That’s how you rise.
But always remember too, this is only if you think that your problems are under your own control. If you are genuinely struggling, it’s important to reach out for help and that takes strength too.
